I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it was like eating out sand paper
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
