sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
