He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
