Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
