you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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