Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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