your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
