I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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