I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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