so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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