i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
