eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
