I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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