i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize