So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
