Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
