um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
