I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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