im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
