Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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