why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
