I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
