I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
