My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
