i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Non-Jews are for practice
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
