Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
