yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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