Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm passing your future prison.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
