well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
