OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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