I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
