I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
