He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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