i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
