What did we do last night that was yellow?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
