okay pat passed out under dana's car
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
