I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
