she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
that may or may not have been my penis.
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