weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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