You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
