i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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