life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
