Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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