We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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