$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
