In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
