paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
