I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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