I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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