the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
someone threw a dead crab at me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
