if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
