the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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