I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
