There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
