Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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