Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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