I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
