I want to stick my p in your. b.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize