Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
