I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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