We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
