Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
