I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
