Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
