I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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