When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
