I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
