that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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