census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
