I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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