The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
