my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
