Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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