If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
