omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
a search helicopter?!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
