He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
