why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
