I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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