I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
