Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
