Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
