Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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