3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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