I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
