Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He did a backflip because drugs
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