I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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