This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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